I'm so tired.

Even if nothing is wrong, my brain finds something to worry about. I worry something is going to happen that'll ruin the false sense of security I've build myself. i worry I'm missing out on something fun. I worry something is randomly going to go wrong anytime I have to do something. Like, I'm im college right now. Now I'm constantly paranoid I'm somehow missing assignments or that I'm going to end up owing my college money for some reason or another. I worry somebody is going to make up some rumors about me and ruin my life. I worry I've somehow committed a crime and don't remember. This is more OCD than anxiety, honestly. And it sucks ass that the main way to treat OCD is medication. I fucking hate medication. My medication took away my creative ability. It took away my (possibly maladaptive, but I'm not going to self-diagnose) vivid daydreams. And that is one of the few things that's consistently brought me comfort and happiness. My creativity is one of the few skills I have. But I've missed out on so much in life, because I was to paranoid to do anything. I've done pretty much nothing in my 18 years of life. And even now I can't get myself to do anything, because I'm worried I'm taking to long with it, or that again, im missing out on something better. It sucks. I'm just tired. I want to be calm.