Menopause in early thirties

Hi ladies, 32F having a rough time adjusting to menopause and feeling like I live in a completely different body. When I was 29 I was diagnosed with cancer and had emergency hysterectomy, complete oophorectomy, alongside fallopian tube removal which threw me into surgical menopause overnight. It was a big adjustment, but honestly I have nothing to complain about because they expected me to pass away at 30 and soon I will turn 33. It is a situation of, I am just lucky to still be here. That being said, the menopause is pretty intense. I keep thinking I’ll adjust to it soon but it’s been kicking my ass. Hormones aren’t an option because a tumor will grow, but I do take an antidepressant that is supposed to help. I think it does but honestly it must be a drop in the bucket because everything is different. Part of my struggle is, I’ve had so much big change to cope with since menopause started— the diagnosis, a career change, a messy divorce, a big move — that sometimes I don’t know where the menopause ends and the rest of my baggage begins. I just know that I can’t sleep without fans blasting, and even then I’m still hot, I’m wrinkling, I eat some of a bag of chips and I gain weight. My mood is unstable. I’m over “it” half the time even though I don’t know what “it” is. I haven’t had a ton of education on this because there’s an overwhelming tone of holy crap I’m still alive. Which is amazing, and also I haven’t figured out what to do except eat a ton of protein and lift weights so my bones don’t wither away. And also hurry because now it’s harder to than ever to retain muscle and use it or lose it and if you lose it you can’t gain it back. And so I’m struggling with my identity too because I’m trying to figure out how to embrace being a sporty fit model in life. Anyway, I’m writing this from bed where I had a big hot flash even though it’s very cold and there’s a fan blowing and I’ve twisted and turned trying to get comfortable so much that I feel nauseous and I told myself ‘just one more twist’ but then mid-turn my charger came unplugged so it wasn’t the last twist after all and I cried out of frustration so thought I’d post here. Overall I’m feeling lonely and dejected in my journey to cope with the big change so thanks for reading this if you made it this far and any advice or solidarity you can give is welcome and would be helpful in a big way.