How do I skip this hell.

Why is every night so hard and excruciating, the thoughts of oh where will I be in 10 years? Will I be dead by then? What if the world ends or explodes and gets taken over by robots and we get controlled by them? What if AI takes over and makes every single human being on earth brainwashed into only finding dopamine by HAVING to use AI? What if I kill myself before everything gets better? What if it never gets better and this is just hell that I have to suffer? Why do I feel the way I feel? Why do I hate my voice so fucking much? Why am I never happy with myself even when I reach a goal I don’t feel motivated? Why do I feel like running away from something that isn’t even there? Why do I think ill literary get put to sleep forever if I go to bed early? Why is everything around me “ok” but in my mind its the end?? What even is the end? There’s an end to everything but my mind keeps expecting the worse. Every day feels like a endless loop I feel like I can’t break out of this loop and ill always get scared to face my fears like going to a shopping centre or sitting in a cafe and even if I do face the fears it takes a MASSIVE toll on me later on the day. I miss when I was 13 freshly back in Ireland with endless possibilities with friends and going places ye I was still scared but I thought by being with my friends they would save me but id be too scared to show my fear part of me so id mask it until it was unbearable and id just become motionless from all the energy used up. I miss waking up to having plans with friends and new experiences. It feels like I’ve done everything and everything else that I haven’t done feels like its out of reach and isn’t worth the risk of leaving my comfort zone like going to a concert, going to a party, disco, going to a different country, speaking with new people and making new connections, sleeping in a different bed, waking up in a unfamiliar place that isn’t my room since childhood, staying in pubs, getting a job, going to school feels unbearable Ill probably end up living on benefits and disability if I don’t do anything about it people tell me all the time like my mom or my therapist that the only person that’s stopping me is myself Im sabotaging myself without realising it and somehow my brain feels “safer” when I feel endangered than happy because when I feel happy I tell myself how can I be happy something is defo wrong or something bad about to happen so I think about the PAST expirences and relive them by thinking about them. My imagination is defiantly a weapon for this because I imagine things that are scientifically impossible but in my head their that real that I can see, feel and hear them and when my pulse goes up even if its something positive like buying new things in a shop, falling in love, driving on my bike or working out for an example my brain thinks there’s a threat and makes me stop the good experience and brings me back to the past for an example when I was 12 I had a massive panic attack I dissociated and couldn’t control it so I lashed out and my pulse was high at that moment and it was a horrible expierince and a few months ago I expiernced that again after my best friend dumped me for her dick head boyfriend and called me a horrible person blah blah blah, school started, my therapist stopped working with me, my mom came back from Bulgaria and the days got shorter due to winter. And ever since that panic attack 3-4 months ago everything started going down hill again I stopped going to school fully, stopped participating in activities with friends or pupils, struggling in the gym, struggling with sleep, struggling with thoughts, struggling with grasping my control back and the slightest thought makes me spiral down a rabbit hole.