This is a scary post

Hey everyone! I used to have a pretty serious ED. Moved passed that stage of my life to have 3 beautiful (young) children. But my body has become all stretched and not what it used to be. I know realistically i need to lose fat but sing off y issue is posture and weak muscle tone not holding me in place. I eat insanely healthy. Think paleo Whole Foods but im still definitely overweight which is so depressing to me. Not by much but enough to change my physical appearance. I struggle with healthy motivation and find myself looking longingly at the underfed 19 year old version of myself. I struggle with knowing how to start. I haven’t had a scale in almost a decade. My weight has fluctuated a ton think 130 to 200 back to 130 now idk where im at- a nice 190 perhaps? I want to achieve the attractiveness i had in my slimmer frame without slipping into old habits. I also need to tone and build muscle. I have been contemplating the idea of tracking my avg week of eating not changing anything then trying to reduce daily by 300 but i am genuinely worried it might snowball. The shame of tallying everything and seeing the numbers is a bit daunting to me. Any advice? Anyone else have to walk a delicate line when losing the weight? Before my last baby i didnt track but was very mindful about my intake and was working out 5 days a week for 3 months and saw maybe a 2 lb loss on the scale (the gym had one i reluctantly used) i got pregnant and just started walking and eating healthy to maintain a healthy weight. (Im 5’8) im 3 months post partum and so desperate to feel attractive and just good again.