When will I stop grieving the loss of my Independence? I want to be normal again

I sometimes break down and cry because I have been robbed of my independence that I took for granted. I hated working my entire adult life, did nothing but work and sleep. But now I can't even shower like I need to. I can't even enjoy going out to eat at a restaurant, my mind is locked in on a time limit. Now that I'm actually disabled what I wouldn't give to be able to work and feed myself again, what i wouldn't give to BATHE my dirty body that I go weeks without cleaning because i just can't stand for 5 minutes. I miss working. Haven't been able to make a single penny in 4 years. Been surviving off of courtesy and state insurance with snap. My entire day consists of using the bathroom and getting up to eat once. That's it unless I have to shower and go to the doctors. I cry silently so I don't make others around me feel like shit. I wish I could turn back time even for an hour ;-: