Gender crisis

Hi I (24 they/them) have been going through a gender debate with myself since I was 14. I was born amab and in a bible belt state. So, growing up asking or thinking or even reading about such things was unholy. My mom would spend nights making fun of LGBT members on Jerry Springer etc. Anyway, I had my first "trans thought" when I was 14. I remember being in the yard in my pajamas and thinking, if I had some boobs rn, I'd look pretty cool. Or something like that. I was a teen"boy" at the time so I dismissed it. However it grew on me and at 16 I discovered being trans was. I found an artist I really enjoyed an later found out they were trans and that sent me down a whole rabbit hole. I later came out to my mom as trans ftm but she was quick to shut me down. I talked to my therapist and she managed to convince me to look deeper and into non binary I'm still not certain if I am trans or not Yet, but i have been feeling closer and closer to certainty of the answer. This is because I've recently moved to a blue state after identifying as gender fluid for about 8 year as gender fluid.i mostly liked these cuz it just meant an out to being labeled male, I believe because since moving here I've met some positive influences and even my partner is ftm. However seeing them take T made me jealous..and I don't want to be, but knowing it's right there. If I just ask someone. It makes me want to try. This undoes my entire identity but I just feel such a strong pull. I don't know if I'm just ... Mentally ill or if I really actually am trans mtf. I know I probably know the answer but some assurance or logic would help.